Back in 2012 I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis- little did I know that the disease would turn my life upside down.
I had absolutely no knowledge of Inflammatory bowel disease before my diagnosis and to be honest I was scared….
Was it life threatening?
Could I die?
A thousand questions running through my head, I couldn’t processs all of them. I had been so unwell and I just wanted to feel like me again.
I won’t sugar coat it- I was scared, I didn’t know what was happening or how to deal with it- I was on the verge of a breakdown.
Life became very lonely and I isolated myself from every social event I could because I was unable to deal with everything.
I just wanted it to go away
It doesn’t go away…
Something I quickly learnt, I hate what had happened to me and what I had become, it had ruined my self confidence and self esteem.
I kept thinking…. How is this ever going to get better?
I’ve always struggled with my mental health, I had been diagnosed with depression just before my Ulcerative Colitis diagnosis.
I’d love to say that I know where my depression stemmed from but I have absolutely no idea.
It probably stemmed from the bullying I experienced throughout high school, I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve it but my god it was relentless .
I wasn’t confident enough to defend myself- these people were doubting me and my sexuality- something I didn’t even know myself- it was physically and mentally draining, I used to come home and lock myself in my room and just cry.
I’m not going to lie when I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis for a while my mental health took a nose dive, I wasn’t sure how I could cope or deal with it.
I just wanted to disappear…
Life suffering with a mental and chronic illness is not easy, you will have those days where you don’t want to get out of bed, those days where the smallest thing can turn into the biggest, those days where you ask ‘Why me? Why now?’
It’s not a bed of roses, everyone can suffer differently, that’s the beauty of illness.
I knew my Ulcerative Colitis wasn’t going anywhere so I had no choice but to learn to live with it. It’s not that easy for many, believe me I absolutely resented what was happening to me for a while.
Crohnic illness is hard, but you’re never alone, there’s a bunch of people who know exactly what you’re going through.
You can do this, you’re a warrior.